TNA PPV#9 - Down the Shitter

by redreddington on 10th April, 12:00am

We open with a video package of The Truth winning the title from last week. Jeremy Borash is in the ring to introduce the new World Heavyweight Champion: The Truth. Truth takes the microphone and tells everyone they wanted the Truth and now they’ve got the Truth. He declares this is his house and his house is called the TNA Asylum, this is to avoid referencing the near century long history of their world title in the same breath of “broadcast from a fairground in Nashville”.

Truth is still pushing “the colour of my skin” angle saying that in the WWF he was told by a senior official that he couldn’t make the same mistakes as everyone else because he’s black. There’s a mix of cheers and boos here mainly because this is a wrestling show and Truth manages to turn this promo about prejudice around by talking about “knocking the dust off someone’s ass”.

Truth’s talk brings out Jeff Jarrett, who is Truth’s tag team partner this evening. Jarrett calls Truth “Walt Disney” and tells him to “put your dreams away because he’s Truth’s [I’m your] worst nightmare”. Much like Truth, Jarrett is pushing his reverse discrimination ploy from last week. Jarrett is claiming he’s been robbed week after week and wants the opportunity at the world title tonight. Ferrara tells Mike Tenay to shut up about their opportunity at the tag team titles because this is more important.

We get some “shooting” as Truth says what goes on behind the curtains is business but the title means something personal to him. He invites Jeff to the ring for a match but before he can get in the ring some generic country music hits and out comes Bill Berehns wearing an oversized cowboy hat. Jarrett can help but laugh at Berehns gets the mic.

Bill claims there’s a new sherrif in town: Bad Boy Billy Berehns. We get a “Slap Nuts” reference as Bill claims he’s back with a vengeance after he was beat up three weeks ago on the opening of the show. Bill informs us that Ricky Steamboat can’t be here tonight and therefore Bill is in charge. Bill nixes the world title match which invites a confrontation between Jarrett and security but Jarrett is jumped from behind by Brian Lawler.

Brian beats Jeff up around ring side as security does nothing. There’s a hilarious spot where Lawler tries to grab a chair and the woman in the front row hangs on and professional wrestler Lawler can’t get it from her. Security have to interfere as the whole thing is embarrassing. There’s a pull apart brawl between the two as Brian starts yelling “I know it was you, I know what you did” and the commentators have no idea what is being talked about.

Don West in spectacular gold silk tonight as the commentators ponder the situation and hype up the “tag partners can’t get along” main event for the tag team titles. Low Ki is going to be defending his X Division Championship in an elimination match against the Elvises.

Six Man Tag Team

Kid Kash, Shark Boy and Slim J vs. Joel, Jose, Amazing Red (The Spanish Announce Team)

Slim J is of particular note here, he’s seventeen years old, clearly an Eminem fan and looks every one of those years. He’s clearly been chatting to Russo as the first thing he does on PPV is to grab his dick and jerk it. This is probably what would have happened if Justin Beiber had been allowed to host RAW. Don says the kid is an amazing talent and it’s the first time he’s been on PPV and it won’t be the last... just checked ProFightDB this is Slim’s only appearance with the company.

Opening exchange of holds between Kid Kash and one of the Maximos, ends with an exhange of slaps to the face, a handshake offer returned with a middle finger. Kash sends Jose to the outside and follows up with a slingshot hurracanrana. Ed and Tenay get into a spat on commentary after Ed rightly asks which Maximo dove to the outside moments after Tenay points out Joel wears elbow pads.

Slim J gets in the ring with Red and the two have an impressive exchange before Slim dives off the turnbuckle with a moonsault into the Maximos. Red also dives to the outside and Kash follows him out. All six men down and the crowd go wild.

Kash isolates Jose, tags in Slim J who jerks his dick again and eats nothing but mat on a standing corkscrew shooting star. Jose hooks him up over his shoulders allowing Red and Joel to double footstomp the youngster in the chest. In a bizarre set up Sharkboy gets drop toeholded into a complex submission move on both Sharkboy and Slim J culminating in a springboard dropkick to the face by Amazing Red.

Slim makes the tag to Kash eventually who does his own weird submission, clearly this spot wasn’t discussed before hand because Red is franticly trying to stop Kash from dropping him on his head. So Kash gives up the submission and lazily powerbombs Red, dropping him on his head. Kash hits his top rope powerslam but only gets a two count.

Kash tags in Slim (seriously no love for Sharkboy?!) who climbs to the top rope... jerks his dick again... and then misses with a phoenix splash. Clearly this taunt is the kiss of death for anything this kid tries. Scott Armstrong loses all control as all six men come in the ring for an irish whip clock heads spot that is completely mistimed.

A lot of stuff happens. Camera is all over the place not really capturing much. Sharkboy does hit the Dead Sea Drop on Red out of the corner. Armstrong makes the count despite neither man being legal at this point. Kash hooks the double underhook piledriver and only gets two. Slim J climbs to the top rope but the Maximos whip Sharkboy into the corner causing Slim to crotch himself. The Maximos hook Slim J up for the Spanish Fly and Red hits the Infra-Red getting the three.

Tenay says: “they set it up with Spanish Fly and closed the deal with the Infra Red” allowing Ferrara to quip “whereas I usually close the deal with the Spanish Fly”. This match was a mess, too many guys trying to get their stuff in and no one tagging in so the ref had no idea who to count.

Ed throws to Jeremy Borash to find out what’s coming and we go to a pre-tape with Goldilocks and the Dupps. The Dupps are here to introduce us to their outhouse for a show called “Sheeeeeeeeeeters”. The open the door and Goldie reacts to the smell as though someone died in there, Stan explains that the smell is the preserved faeces of their grandma from five years ago. There’s some poop humour, apparently this is set up for later tonight.

We go back to the ring in time for the arrival of Miss TNA Bruce. Bruce thanks the fans, then proclaims what he has under his dress makes him more of a woman than any woman including Mike Tenay’s wife. Bruce claims all the married men are secretly fantasising about what they could do to Miss TNA given the opportunity, which is a fantastic line. Bruce offers the “hosebags” and “fat cows” an opportunity to challenge for his crown and a cheque for $5000. We get our first shot of Athena the ring girl, who Bruce proclaims is not a woman. Eventually we find a taker, who signs a waver and makes her way into the ring.

Miss TNA Title

Bruce (c) vs. Random Fan

The bell rings, Bruce takes a step forward and gets speared by the fan. Huge pop. Followed up by scoop slam and a big leg drop. Then dumps Bruce over the top rope. Bruce gets rolled back into the ring and rolls up the fan for a three. It was a short match but fun for what it was.

For those interested the fan was played by Tina Hamilton who doesn’t have a listing on ProFightDB, this looks to be her only wrestling match.

We go to the back for what is supposed to be a live interview with Jarrett but someone is playing Alive by P.O.D. really loud in the background which is not Bruce’s theme. Jeff says he’s going to deal with Brian on his own time and says he’s going to keep on Truth till he gets his belt and isn’t taking crap from anyone. “Speaking of crap” he says leading Goldie into the mens room he pulls Bill Berehns out of the stalls and pushes him up against the wall. Low Ki walks in and there’s a brief exchange between the two. We follow Jeff out and briefly see TEO bump into Bo Dupp “I guess we’ll settle this in the ring”. Tenay responds with “did you see all of what just took place?”.

Last Man Standing

Malice vs. Don Harris

Malice is out with a pair of chairs but no Father Mitchell. We cut to the highlights of last week’s First Blood match – they are literally just Don bleeding. Apparently the New Church has been barred from not just ring side but the building for this match, not sure how that works if this is no disqualification.

Don Harris is out with his infamous Nazi shirt, now there’s a lot of talk about this on the internet. It would appear that this shirt did cycles in both biker and white supremacist circles, the Harrises are definitely part of the former whether this makes them part of the latter isn’t apparent. A faux pas to say the least and the entire episode still isn’t available in the Asylum Years archive.

Things get kickstarted and Don delivers a nasty chair shot as we see the stitches under the eye of Don from last week. Don delivers a second chair shot, referee gets up to eight and Malice gets to his feet. Malice throws powder into the eyes of Don Harris sending him to the outside. Malice follows him powder in one hand and chair in the other and throws more powder into the face of Don. Malice returns the favour and drives the chair into the head of Don. The two walk and brawl around the ring and up the ramp and Malice throws him off the ramp into the barricade.

Malice retrieves a chain from under the ring but gets clotheslined by Don who begins choking the monster. Weird clothesline with the chain by Don to Malice. Don uses the time to grab a table and slide it into the ring. Malice misses wildly with a chair swing and gets it booted back in his face. Don sets up the table and manages to break the legs of the table but some how repairs it. Malice hooks Don up for a powerbomb but declines to use the table and drives him into the mat.

Referee has barely got to three when Malice just picks Don up for a chokeslam, Don recovers and delivers a DDT to Malice who is first to his feet. The two just go home at this point. Malice puts Don on the top turnbuckle and delivers a top rope back suplex through the table to Don. Don practically misses the table and Malice ends up going through most of it. Malice is the first to stir and then realises Don hasn’t moved so he drops down. The referee gets to nine both men are clutching the ropes to get up, Malice bumps down to the ground and the referee counts ten and awards it to Don Harris.

Don is suffering in the corner as Malice gets to his feet, the two have a brief face off before Don offers a fist bump. Malice bumps fists and we actually have some follow up for next week: what will Mitchell make of that exchange? Hope you like Dupp segments because we’ve got another one.

Apparently Stan doesn’t like midgets which Goldie finds hilarious. Stan mumbles some nonsense and Bo finally gets the point across: due to his brother’s achondroplasiaphobia he will defend the Dupp Cupp solo this evening.

The Dupp Cupp

Bo Dupp (c) vs. Teo

Tenay is having none of this crap, talking of crap. The outhouse is at the top of the ramp. Teo comes out first to some sort of wacky sound effect theme. Both Dupps are out next Stan has a wooden board whilst Bo has “horsey poo”.

Teo nails Jeremy Borash to start things off, Don is on the house mic whilst Ed has been joined by a mumbling Stan Dupp. Bo depants himself to be hit by horsey poo apparently this week he doesn’t like it. Teo chases Stan causing him to “cry like a pussy” putting his brother on negative points.

Stan heads off to go after the ticket lady again and we repeat the spot from the previous week where Sarah gives him the broom. Meanwhile Bo drags Teo to the top of the ramp towards the outhouse, scholars will recall that a toilet containing shit will net you 3½ points if you put your opponent’s head in it.

Bo opens the door and Puppet is in there who hits Bo with a Kendo stick resulting in Bo going head first into the outhouse. The bell rings and we have a new Dupp Cupp holder.

NEW! Holder of the Dupp Cupp – Teo

Puppet chases Stan Dupp off camera and we get a shot of Bo without any faecal matter on his face. Tenay completely shuns this match and moves on to hyping up anything else on this card including the Detroit Street Fight between Skipper and Brown. We got to a highlight reel of how we got here over the past few weeks including the paint can from last week.

Detroit Street Fight

Elix Skipper vs. Monty Brown

Elix is out first comes all the way out to the ring to cut a promo and declares the building “my house”, in a bizarre promo Elix is begging Monty to come out so he can throw him out. This is a sanctioned match Elix, so this is likely going to happen. Skipper then runs up the ramp to ambush Monty Brown, now this ramp has two entrances Skipper stands at one resulting in him getting ambushed by Monty.

Monty is wearing tiger print this week, he beats Skipper down to the ring and press slams him into the ring. Monty hangs Skipper over the ropes with his tiger shirt. Skipper gets the advantage back with a chain before adding all the ring side plunder: trashcans, a stop sign and big chain into the ring. Monty comes back trashcan lid in hand, the stupid babyface throws it into the ring into the hands of Skipper who hits Brown with it. Cover by Skipper and Brown powers out at two.

Brown tries for a crossbody and Skipper does his matrix dodge and this sends Monty out of the ring. Skipper props a trashcan on the chest of Monty on the outside and then flies out onto it with a corkscrew plancha but only finds two. Skipper grabs a stop sign but has it punched into his face by Monty. Monty hits a powerslam spun out into an uranage called the Alphalution. Brown doesn’t make the cover and insteads hits the Alpha Bomb onto a trashcan for the three.

Monty signals that he wants a shot at the title, but we have to go to the back with the Elvises.

Estrada and Yang are wearing black armbands in respect for the anniversary of the death of Elvis. Siaki cuts them off reminding them Elvis died on a toilet and Sonny Siaki is the most important thing and should be idolised more than Elvis.

Elimination Match - X Division Championship

Low Ki vs. Sonny Siaki vs. Jorge Estrada vs. Jimmy Yang

Low Ki is out first this is his first defence and Tenay practically says he was lucky to win. Elvises come out together but as the promo shows there is definite dissension between the group, this is apparently going to be an advantage for Low Ki.

Low Ki and Siaki to start things off with the other Elvises on opposite corners. Big chants for Low Ki. Siaki hits a running powerbomb to Low Ki but gets blind tagged by Estrada who hits a nice standing shooting star for a two. Low Ki gets the advantage back after Jorge attempts a springboard moonsault and gets two feet to the chest from Low Ki.

This is an elimination match, but two people in the ring at one time, once you’re eliminated you go to the back. Despite the dissension Siaki breaks up a submission to Estrada from behind, but when Estrada makes the cover on Low Ki he also breaks it up. Yang tags in gets a bit of offence on Low Ki including a hanging figure four neck lock, Low Ki fights back with a back suplex and then stumbles into the blind tag from Estrada.

The Elvises implode, somersault to the outside on to Yang. Estrada goes for a tornado DDT but Yang somehow rolls through it. Yang dodges a dropkick hooks in a boston crab and Estrada screams in agony for the submission and we are down to three.

Low Ki comes in to continue the match but Yang takes him out with a missle dropkick with some great altitude. Yang then heads to the top rope next to Siaki who knocks out a leg crotching Yang and sending him down to the mat into the waiting Ki Krusher from Low Ki. We’re down to two.

Siaki is straight in with a catching samoan drop and a corkscrew clothesline. Low Ki takes advantage with a series of kicks but ducks the third and hits Low Ki with an uppercut. Siaki bounces off the ropes and something hits him off screen (it was Jimmy Yang), Low Ki rolls up Siaki for the three to retain his title. All focus is on Low Ki but all talk is about Elvises dissension.

Now, all through the night we’ve been promised exclusive video of the situation between AJ Styles and Jerry Lynn. Well we hard cut to it now, Goldie is trying to interview Jerry who says “I’ve got to take care of some business why not ride along with me in my car?”. They oblige and Goldie questions the relationship between the two and Jerry says “when it comes to the tag team championships we’re professional and will work together.”

There’s no cuts here. Jerry drives for 27 seconds and then gets out of the car saying he’s got something to take care of. AJ Styles is outside a building shouting “I’ve got your tip right between my legs” when Jerry blindsides him and then dumps him into a bathtub. This is the, now closed, White Trash Cafe in Nashville which received an “EXCELLENT” rating from Jerry says this is a matter of respect and then throws a bit of wood at AJ.

Oh god... Jive Talkin’. Paulina has been given the night off tonight because Disco isn’t going to have any problems tonight. Why? Because his guest isn’t a professional wrestler, instead he has a legit movie star from Hollywood: Dean Baldwin. This is actually an unmasked Shark Boy who ran this gimmick on the indies for a while.

They plough through their material, this is bad enough to get “boring” chants from the crowd. Eventually Brian Lawler comes down the ramp grabbing the mic and he cuts a promo saying Jeff Jarrett is guilty of something, but before we can find out what it is Dean grabs the mic and starts berating Lawler.

Brian punches him in the face and then destroys the set, eventually Disco calls for security who carry Brian out. The segment is over as we cut to Brian being thrown out of the arena.

We go from the back to the back! Goldie is with the Dupps who are apparently leaving because of midgets...

NWA World Tag Team Championships

Jerry Lynn & AJ Styles (c) vs. Jeff Jarrett & R-Truth

Everyone gets separate entrances here and despitie this being billed as a “no one gets a long match” Jeff and Truth are quite amicable even ambushing Lynn on his way to the ring. Only now do the commentators note that they haven’t seen AJ Styles all day, so Lynn is out here on his own.

The referee does nothing to stop the two on one double team to Lynn here. With no music AJ slides into the ring to even up the odds. Lynn goes to clothesline Styles who ducks and clocks Jarrett. The match breaks down to the pairing of Jarrett/Styles and Truth/Lynn, one pair on the outside brawling and the other fighting doing spots in the ring.

Truth goes for a crescent kick and gets hooked up in the ropes looked really nasty. Lynn hits a bulldog off the top on Truth, makes a cover but it gets broken up by Jarrett. Now the roles are reversed as AJ attempts a discus clothesline on Lynn who ducks and Jarrett eats the clothesline. Botched spot by Styles as he goes for the moonsault DDT but Truth and Lynn aren’t clued in on who is supposed to catch him so AJ flapjacks to the mat.

Finally the referee restores order and gets a tag match going with Lynn playing baby face in peril although most of the chants are for Truth and Jarrett. Ferrara is relentless about Lynn being an idiot and attacking his partner earlier goading Mike Tenay into saying “maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe”. Jerry eventually takes back control with a tornado DDT on Truth, both Jarrett and AJ get the hot tags. Styles kicks Jarrett in the face twice.

All four men in as we get a series of near falls broken up including a botched Hart Attack by Lynn and Styles where Jeff almost forgets to break up the fall. AJ charges at Jarrett who sidesteps and Styles clips the referee and rolls to the outside. Lynn connects with a reverse DDT and gets a literal visual cover because despite being down Scott Armstrong is looking right at the pinfall.

Lynn hits the Cradle Piledriver on Truth, Jarrett breaks up the cover and hooks Lynn up for The Stroke. Styles hits the spiral tap on the opposite side of the ring, a second referee slides in and the crowd already knows the finish. Both referees count the falls at the same time and then neither can agree who got the pinfall.

NWA Representative Bullet Bob Armstrong is down almost instantly. He takes the tag team titles and vacates them until further notice, then books Truth vs. Monty Brown in a NWA World Heavyweight Title match next week. He turns to Jerry and AJ who will have a match next week for an X Division Championship shot. Jerry Lynn demands to be able to beat AJ up anywhere he wants in a Falls Count Anywhere. AJ Styles demands a No Disqualification match. Bill Berehns is down with his stupid cowboy hat and after some words with Bob they agree to both matches and it will be two out three falls with the third fall being a 10 minute Iron man match. At this point should be noted the World Champion has left the ring and Jarrett has grabbed the tag team titles looking to run off with them.

Jarrett grabs a mic and asks “what about Jeff?”. Bob says he’s got a special surprise for him next week, but we’ll have to wait to next week. Jarrett runs off with the tag team belts to the back.

This all happens in probably less time than it took to read, so much so that we have to go to Tenay to break it down and then Don to hype it up. Don however seems to know much more than what Bob just announced:

  • Two out of Three Matches
    • No1 Contendership for the X Division Championship: Jerry Lynn vs. AJ Styles
      • 1st match: Falls Count Anywhere
      • 2nd match: No Disqualification
      • 3rd match: 10 minute Ironman
  • Four Corner Elimination Match: NWA X Division Championship: Low Ki vs. Joel Maximo vs. Jose Maximo vs. The Amazing Red
  • NWA World Heavyweight Championship: Ron “The Truth” Killings (c) vs. Monty Brown
  • 2 out of 3 falls: Jimmy Yang vs. Sonny Siaki

And a “surprise” for Jeff Jarrett (Don hypes this by saying “believe me I don’t know what it is, but it’ll be huge”).

Tenay has to interrupt Don as we go to the back! Jeff is arguing with Bob and the referees still holding the tag titles. Jeff goes to leave and Brian Lawler runs back in throttling Jarrett saying “I know what you did, I’m going to kill you”.


This show was an easier watch to be honest. My main gripe was the three week build to a no disqualification match was preceded by two other no disqualification matches.

There’s bits of nonsense in this show. Bill Berehns is established as a new authority figure only for Bullet Bob to be the authority figure by the end of the show. Skipper coming out for a match to call out his opponent in the scheduled match. Building up video footage on a paid show, to then say “we don’t know if AJ is going to be here” thirty seconds before he shows up. Pinning your world champion in the main event.

The real positive is despite all of the above there’s a clear outline for next week. The matches are a clusterfuck, but on paper it sounds like something I might actually pay to watch a best of three series with AJ and Lynn.

By the way the Dupp Cupp is no more. After a two week stint this is it’s last outing, in fact everyone involved in this match bar the referee will never be seen in TNA again; Stan Dupp, Bo Dupp, Puppet and Teo make their last appearances. Stan would re-emerge as Jethro Holiday in 2009 on iMPACT! The rules would eventually carry over into the Hard-10 matches in later years but Teo walks away with a spittoon.