It's the eve of Independence Day 2002 and we're getting ready for two hours of Total Nonstop Action.
As usual the nonstop action gets started with a cut to commentary tea- JESUS christ. Don West is wearing a bright red pinstripe suit with a sparkly red bowtie. It's show three so three titles will be decided tonight: Ken Shamrock vs. Malice for the NWA Heavyweight Title, AJ Styles vs. David Young for the X Division Championship and the tournament for the Tag Team Titles. But more importantly Jeff Jarrett and K-Krush will face off against Scott Hall and Brian Christopher.
Suddenly Jim Miller (or Wilson) appears he's the President of the NWA and has been in Japan the last two weeks and had complete faith in the company. Jim presents Mike Tenay with a trophy, glossing over what the trophy was actually for, and welcomes TNA to the NWA family. Jim is here to announce that next week there will be a title match for the NWA Title with a man by the name of Amori. Zero reaction from anyone, not even Tenay the supposed "Professor of Pro-Wrestling" can put over this unknown.
Holy shit, there's an actual tournament for the tag team titles. No bullshit involving eliminations, a straight bracket tournament. First team out is the freshly formed Chris Harris and James Storm not yet America's Most Wanted but certainly getting cheers from the crowd for a week old team. And their opponents: Richard and Rod, The Johnsons with Mortimer Plumtree who comes out cutting a promo that I can sum up as: "words and words and words and words and words, oh and I manage this team."
The Johnsons get the early advantage with some big power moves on Storm including some huge back body drops serious bumping on the part of Storm. Harris gets the hot tag and starts unloading on the Johnsons. Harris hits a spear but doesn't go for the pin, he gets picked up by one of the Johnsons and Storm dropkicks Harris ontop of The Johnsons to pick up the victory.
As per usual we get to focus on the losers of the match as Plumtree gets in the face of his team, the Johnsons shove him down to the match and walk out on him. Excellent we establish a manager and then have them split.
We go back to the ring for Jeremy Borash to introduce Scott Hall, before Scott can get started out comes Jeff Jarrett. After a brief exchange of insults and taunts Jarrett makes his way to the ring to get the main event started early, but is blocked by Jim Miller. Jarrett backs off but it was all a setup to allow K-Krush to intercept Scott Hall from behind, Hall regains control and clotheslines Krush out of the ring - I don't think we've seen a show so far where Krush doesn't get clotheslined out of the ring.
We're in the back with Goldylocks and it appears that James Storm and Chris Harris not only have their own locker room but they also have been assaulted and are covered in blood.
Luckily we have a squash match to discuss the implications of this. It's Monty Brown, coming out to Abyss' music, to face a local jobber. Monty tries to cut a promo about how he's here to take on the NWA Heavyweight Champion but somehow the sound guys don't clue in to turn off or down his music. Monty Brown powerbombs the local jobber into the mat for the victory impressive debut.
We're supposed to go backstage to Goldy and Jim Miller but apparently they can't find him and security hasn't found him not even these two nameless wrestlers can tell us where Jim is (or there names). Luckily we do get an interview from Puppet, the mad midget from the first show, armed with a kendo stick he's not going to leave until he makes a midget bleed.
It's time for our second tag team contest it's the Rainbow Express: Lenny and Bruce who'll be facing Buff Bagwell and Apollo. We get a quick promo in the back which establishes that this is a team that doesn't get a long. Should mention that Joel Gertner is at ring side wearing a shirt that must came from the same rail as Don West's. Oh here comes Alicia who makes her way over to the commentary table and exchanges some cash with Ed Ferrara who also books himself in for next Thursday with Alicia. Still no clarification what this is about, Ed says that it's more important to concentrate on the match.
Between discussing Ed's sex life and listening to Don West making awkward homophobic remarks I'm not really sure what we should focus on. Bruce eats a huge superkick into the TKO from Apollo but gets taken to the outside by Lenny. Bagwell hits a Blockbuster on Lenny but also eats a superkick from Lenny and gets pinned. The hilarity of this situation is punctuated by Don West continuously shouting "you got to finish him off".
Bagwell looks really upset and depressed post match and Tenay puts over that Bagwell hasn't been himself in TNA (he's been in two matches out of three shows). Ed goes over with a mic to get some answers from Bagwell. Buff says he want to be known as Marcus because his entire career has been Buff but what has that got him: "I came back from a neck injury that no one gave a shit about, I'm a six time tag team champion and I just got beat by two gay guys." Buff has ruined his career and he's going home, to punctuate the moment he hands him his Buff top hat.
We're back to the ring and out comes the NWA Heavyweight Champion: Ken Shamrock. Shamrock is angry because Monty Brown had one match and wants a title shot (never mind that Shamrock had one match and became champion). Ken puts over his future opponents before the lights go out and Father James Mitchell cuts a promo telling him to fear Malice and Malice appears, he's taken out Ken Shamrock and there's ZERO reaction to this. Mainly because the lights were out when the attack happened, it's such a serious situation that we go back to Goldy.
Jerry Lynn is trying to talk to Bill Berehns about replacing Storm and Harris but Bill throws him off: "can't you see things are a mess Jerry? Shamrock's been taken out, a tag team's been taken out and Jim Miller is missing I've got bigger things to deal with." Yes you have Bill, so why are you on the phone?!
Once again Goldy is incapable of getting any information out of the situation and it's back to ring for midgets. Out comes Puppet who grabs the microphone and immediately shouts: "give me the microphone". His opponent is Todd Stone, who gets some repeated shots with a kendo stick and trash can before picking up a three count over him. Puppet then goes after everyone including the ref, Borash and Don West.
We go back to Goldy who's trying to determine if Shamrock will be able to compete. Shockingly the result of this: we don't know.
Our next contest is Francine vs. Miss TNA: Taylor Vaughn who is so over as that she gets exactly the same entrance music as Todd Stone. As Vaughn is posing for the crowd Francine pulls a belt from her boot and starts beating down and choking her with it in front of the referee. No DQ of course. Scott Armstrong eventually disarms Francine but then Vaughn gets hold of the belt and returns the favour. Scott tries to disarm Vaughn but gets a whipping himself and that's a disqualification.
Taylor is ejected from the ring allowing Ed Ferrara to again try and console a downed Francine. He helps her up and raises her hand before Francine puts his hand on her boobs, slaps him and whips him with the belt. Why?!
We go back to Jeremy Borash who is here to interview Hermie Sadler. This of course brings out K-Krush, who after getting some cheap heat from burying NASCAR gets tackled by Hermie Sadler. Apparently next week were gonna see Sadler vs. K-Krush next week.
It's top of the hour so it's time for the NWA Heavyweight Championship match and out comes Father James Mitchell with the challenger Malice. The commentators wonder what kind of condition Shamrock will be in to compete bare in mind he was taken out with a neck brace earlier. Well he's in a fighting mood that's for sure as he comes to the ring but Malice could straight to work on the neck. The problem here is that Shamrock hasn't really been established as a dominate force so there's no heat for Malice as someone who is able to take advantage and stop Shamrock.
Out of nowhere Shamrock reverses an Irish Whip into a Belly to Belly and pins Malice. Shamrock grabs his belt, grabs his neck and walks out, so much for celebration and pride to be champion.
It's now time for our second championship contest of the evening for the NWA X Division Championship and the contender is David Young? Why? Presumably because he lost last week and most of the match was focussed on his valet Bobcat flirting with Jeremy Borash. His opponent the champion AJ Styles who is seriously being put over as the future of the company.
Within five seconds this match has about a thousand times the heat of the previous match. AJ is a great highflyer as a baby face and Young is brilliant at playing the heel that just cuts him off with really simple things. AJ gets some early heat with some big moves and Young cuts him off with some impressive moves. Whilst I'm on the streak of being impressed with TNA; Bobcat, Young's valet, is outside ignoring the match and is on the phone but the commentators make little to no mention of it during it.
Styles hits a Styles Clash from the second rope and the crowd goes nuts. AJ picks up the victory and the David Young losing streak reaches two.
Goldy is in the back with Gertner and the Rainbow Express who apparently are the NWA Tag Team Champions because all the other teams have been beaten or are unable to compete. They're still coming out to compete and apparently the NWA has ruled that there must be opponents and it's Jerry Lynn vs. AJ Styles. Yes AJ Styles who beat Jerry Lynn and just wrestled a match.
The opening sees Lynn delivering most of the offence as AJ sells his back from the previous match. The crowd are pretty much drained for this but do come alive for the homosexual spots such as Lynn driving Bruce’s head repeatedly into Lane’s crotch. The tag psychology is great here AJ tags in hits one move, sells and then tags out leaving Lynn doing most of the work.
The Rainbow Expresss take advantage with a low blow on Lynn, but Lynn is straight back on offence. AJ breaks up a submission sending Lane to the outside in front of the referee, Bruce walks in claps his hand to fake a tag but the referee is looking at Lane on the other side of the ring.
Bruce eventually slows the pace down with a head scissors hold on Lynn who breaks out to no ovation. Lynn goes for the Cradle Piledriver but gets reversed, Gertner is on the apron presumably to cause a distraction that no one booked.
Hot tag to Styles who runs wild on Lane. Lane hits a Skull Crushing Finale on Styles but Lynn breaks up the pin. Lynn hits Lane with a Cradle Prilderiver and sends Bruce to the outside with a headscissors. In the ring AJ hits the Spiral Tap and gets the three to become the new NWA Tag Team Champions of the world. AJ celebrates with both belts in the ring before handing the belt to Jerry Lynn and embracing.
The celebration lasts for a couple of minutes but this isn’t the last match on the card... and of course just as we’re wrapping up we’re sent to the back. A bunch of TNA black shirts run to find President Jim Miller tied up with his shirt pulled up and FU written on his body, Goldy claims this is the craziest night and doesn’t know where to go from here.
Main event time we get a highlight package of Brian Christopher vs. K-Krush and Jarrett vs. Hall the week before leading into our tag team main event.
The match gets jump started as everyone gets sent to the outside. The bell has already rung but the two teams are brawling into the crowd. Hall and Jarrett brawl inside one of the dancers’ cages and eventually both get brought back to ringside. Christopher and K-Krush get in the ring and we get some sort of a match whilst Hall and Jarrett brawl on the announce table.
Jarrett whips Scott Hall into Cristopher who gets sent off the apron to the floor. K-Krush hits a running corkscrew thing that Hall has no idea how to sell so he sinks to his knees like a melting snowman. Exchange of sleepers from Hall and Jarrett whilst Brian Christopher stands on the apron screaming for a tag. The referee reaches nine on a double down but the referee breaks the count to deal with a hair pull spot between the non-legal men. Hall breaks out of a camel clutch with an electric chair drop but can’t make the tag. Christopher is going absolutely wild on the ropes, Hall reaches to make the tag but...
SWERVE! Brian socks Hall in the jaw and refuses to tag. This doesn’t stop Hall from running wild on everyone including his former partner here. The referee is also down for some reason I have no idea how or when. Hall hits the Razor Edge on K-Krush but there’s no referee. Jarrett attacks Hall who reverses it into the Edge leaving himself exposed for Brian Christopher (who was of course standing mere inches away) to hit a rib shot Jarrett drops down into the Stroke. Christopher goes up top for the Hip Hop Drop and Jarrett pins Hall for the win.
Christopher and Krush embrace as Jarrett grabs the mic and begins to berate Scott Hall who’s still out on the mat. We of course get references to 1995 , 1997, up North and WWF. Jarrett grabs the trophy from earlier in the night and drops across the back of Hall’s head. They bring a stretcher down for Scott Hall, but Jarrett manages an elbow on to Hall whilst he’s on the stretcher. Jarrett says some more words and then up turns the stretcher dropping Hall on the ramp.
Ken Shamrock is set to defend Amori the “challenger from Japan”, a ranking match for the X Division and the Flying Elvises will return as well next week... but never mind that we need more of Jeff beating up Scott as we go off the air.
young. They're talented. I hate them" - Ed Ferarra